Tag Archives: records

future schlock

(Post by John Allan, from Bridgetown, Western Australia –April 2021)

The Jetsons

“Good morning Adam 142021, I trust you slept well.”

“Grrmmph.”

“It is 7.33am on Thursday April 1 2070. The weather forecast is a high of 55° Celsius with 150 kph sandstorms. It remains at 24° in The Dome.”

“Can’t you let me have a few more minutes Corsilexa ?”

“3 minutes snooze time has already expired. Please rise and make your way to the ablution pod.”

“You’re not my mum you know !”

“I know. Your mother is INSEM batch #2058.”

“You can be a real pain in the neck sometimes!”

“If experiencing any pain or irritation around your insertion site I can arrange consultation with a BOTDOC.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“SARCAST download not available until you reach 16 years of age.”

“Don’t I know it!”

“AUTOHOV will arrive at 8.45am to transport you to the BEARSDENACADEMIADOME”

“You mean the Bearacado. Get with it Corsilexa.”

“Precisely.”

“Another boring school day. Hmmph ! Entertain me Corsilexa.”

“This site from the archives may amuse you. It’s called Onceopenatimeinthe70s.com”

“Sounds pretty lame. Put it up on 3DiO.”

“Not formatted for 3DiO. Audio and images available only. It is nearly half a century old. It’s a blog written by 50 and 60 year olds about their experiences in the 1970s.”

“Look at these weird names. Paul Fitzpatrick, Colin Jackson, Alan Fairley, Andrea Grace Burn, George Cheyne, John Allan, Russ Stewart.”

“That was how your ancestors were addressed in those days. One of these people could well be your great, great, great, grandparent !”

“And who are Marc Bolan, Rory Gallagher, Sweet, Deep Purple and Jethro Tull ?”

“These were popular musical artists of the time.”

“Didn’t they just mood select on their SPOTIFACATORS for 3 minutes of personalised muzak ?

“No. These artists sang their own songs accompanied by primitive instruments like guitar and drums.”

“Really ?”

“These were then recorded on varying mediums such as vinyl, encased magnetic tapes and round discs.”

“I think Eve 212021’s wind chimes are made up of something like that.”

“These were highly regarded and coveted by devotees of the time.”

“And what’s with all these funny costumes, loon pants and platform shoes ?”

“Before the introduction of The Layer, which I will change to school uniform mode shortly, teenagers of the times would put these strange outfits on and off, sometimes several times a day in the name of ‘fashion’.”

“Look at that one. Is it a clown ?”

“I think you’ll find that is a Ben Sherman shirt, covered by a striped tank top under an Afghan coat.”

“Hamburgers. Fish ‘n’ chips. What’s all that about ?”

“100 years ago, people still ate the flesh of mammals, birds and fish”

“Gross !”

“ I think you’ll find some of the early TOFUATONS still have bovine, porcine and piscine flavourings which reminds me, your breakfast is ready”

“And booze and fags ?”

“Alcohol and tobacco were stimulants reserved for adults that brought about varying degrees of euphoria, sense of well being, confidence and unfortunately addiction.”

“Like the PLEASURTHON ?”

“You know the PLEASURTHON is strictly forbidden for anyone under the age of 21 and severe penalties will be………………………”

“Yeah, right !”

“Do you want me to download Onceopenatimeinthe70s.com to your memory ?”

“Nah, there’s enough crap in there already. I’ve still got my school history project to do. Delete it.”

“What are you studying”

“The Trumperica Empire, 2024 to 2032.”

“Have a good day at school. Corsilexa closing down.”