Where were you brought up: Courthill/ Mosshead Estate, Bearsden
Secondary school: Bearsden Academy
Best mates at school: Ian Gilmour, Ian McIntyre, Allan Neill, Alan Cruikshank
Funniest memory from school: During school dance/disco vomiting in Mr Crossley’s (Chemistry) coat pocket in the staff cloakroom. An appropriate addition to his nickname “Chunky.”
First holiday with your mates in UK: Long weekend in Oban, 1976 with Dave Bell and Tim Cumming. Slept in a Simca 100, failed miserably chatting up girls in Mactavishes Kitchen.
First holiday with your mates abroad: Excluding the school cruise that is, sorry Colin! 1979, Inter Rail card for a month’s travel across Europe with Dave and Tim. Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, France and Spain.
Took £130 spending money for the month spent every penny. So many memories… in the Hague being introduced to a film director, he asked if we wanted to see his gun. Ahh run for the hills! Teaming up with Angus Mackinlay in Geneva for a few days bevying, I mean sight seeing, but that’s another story….
What was your first job: Apprentice Mechanical Engineer in Hope St, Glasgow from 1975-1977.
Who was your musical hero in 70s: Hendrix, Steely Dan, Jan Akkerman, Hatfield and the North so many….
What was your favourite single: American Pie – Don Maclean
Favourite album: Hunky Dory, Close to the Edge, L. Zep II & IV
First gig: ELP, Greens Playhouse, 1971’ish, was bloody awful. Keith’s organ kept breaking down (Ooh Missus!)
Favourite movie in 70s: Young Frankenstein @ the La Scala, Sauchiehall St, with Mackie, Gilly and Jabes. Few pints of Tartan Special in the Director’s Box, Hope St, first.
Who was your inspiration in 70s: Was going to say Deputy Head Deuchars, maybe not, let’s say Les Kellet.
Posters on your wall: Footballers, Hendrix, Easy Rider, Tennis lassie scratching her erse.
What do you miss most from the 70s: All the gorgeous girls and probably a pint @ c. £0.20 (or 4/- in real money!)
What advice would you give your 14yr old self: Don’t worry too much about the future it’s going to be a blast! Get out there and make every minute count.
70s pub session: Can only be the Brae bar of the Stakis Burnbrae hotel – Keith Moon for the laughs, Howlin’ Wolf, Janis Joplin and Lowell George for the jam session.
According to the Harvard professor and cognitive psychologist Steven Pinker, mankind’s never had it so good.
He reasons that by almost every metric of human wellbeing, the world is getting better —everything from war, violence, and poverty (all declining) to health, wealth, happiness, and equality (all improving).
I’m not about to argue against the Prof or his logic but despite the obvious progress there are still a few things from the 70s that I’m sure we all miss.
I don’t mean major things, like – loved ones or youth or waistlines, they’re a given of course, however, I’m not talking about superfluous things either, like Golden Cups or Sea Monkeys.
I readily admit that my choices are all minor in the grand scheme of things but they’re particular to me….
1) Jukeboxes: I know we can stream music from a grain of sand nowadays and Spotify can provide us with 70 million downloadable songs at the touch of a button, and really, I’m grateful for that, it’s progress, it really is.
But I do miss a great jukebox in a pub, because it’s the way it should be, it’s democracy at its finest, everyone has a choice and if the proprietors are smart and curate the best of each genre then it doesn’t matter if you’re a Rock fan and the jukebox is playing Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding or Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell, the chances are you’ll still appreciate best in class.
The alternative is generally hit or miss and usually in the hands of a disinterested staff member who’s happy to put on anything for a bit of background noise.
I’ve left pubs before because the music was so banal.
In my local they have an online jukebox system called Secret DJ where you can log-in using the pubs Wi-Fi and make your own choices (everyone that logs in has 3 free choices before you have to pay), there’s not a great selection to choose from to be honest but there’s a bit of Steely Dan & The Doobie Brothers & Al Green and of course Wichita Lineman & Dock of the Bay…
It’s not as good as a finely curated jukebox of course but it’s better than listening to Adele on a loop.
2) Robert Halpern:
In the late 70s one of the best nights out for me was a visit to The Pavilion in Glasgow to see a stage hypnotist called Robert Halpern.
I must have seen the guy 20 times at least, and over the course of a few years I dragged along everyone I knew to see his act… mainly for the show but also to witness their reactions, which were usually hysterical.
The premise of the show was pretty simple and never really changed.
He would hypnotise about 40 people every night. Most of them hypnotised within the first 10 minutes of the show, unknowingly put under, whilst sitting in their seats.
He’d then home-in on about 12 principal characters (usually the mouthy ones) who would become the stars of the show.
I took a friend who on attending the show for the first time got hypnotised, and I watched it all unfold.
One minute he was sat beside me saying it was all claptrap the next he was trudging up to the stage like a zombie with his fingers clasped so tightly that his hands and arms were shaking.
At the end of the show my mate vehemently denied that he had been hypnotised and insisted that he’d been fully aware of everything that had gone on.
I so wished I had a camera phone back then to show him his ‘awareness’ at work.
He didn’t think it was strange at all, that… He was up on stage in front of 1,500 people… Or that he was eating raw onions that supposedly tasted like sweet apples…. Or that he would start taking all his clothes off when he heard a certain song… Or that he was stuck to a chair that he couldn’t get out of for 10 minutes…. Or that he was trying to feed a carrot to a wooden horse…. Or that he believed the number 3 didn’t exist so when he counted his fingers, he had 11 digits… despite him working for a bank!
He said he was just performing for the benefit of the show, which I guess on some level is how ‘response to suggestion’ works… which is at the core of hypnotism.
Anyway, as you can probably guess, the star of the show every night as always, was the great Glasgow public.
There was always a gallus wee punter telling the hypnotist to ‘f*ck off ya clown!’ or a schemie laying into him with ‘do ya think I’m buttoned up the back, ya dobber!’.
At the height of his popularity this dobber was earning £25,000 per week, had added a Bengal tiger a set of gallows and a spaceship to his act and was swanning about in a Rolls Royce.
Things didn’t end well for Halpern though. A girl hypnotised by him marched off the front of the stage into the orchestra pit, when as part of the act he’d convinced her she needed a pee and was desperate for the bathroom. She broke her leg, damaged her back and sued.
Halpern, a regular at the casinos, was by now allegedly bankrupt.
Even though I knew the drill I miss those shows, they were funny, chaotic, very live and obviously spontaneous.
One of my favourite parts was the wooden horse routine –
“when you wake up you will see a beautiful stallion, a Grand National winner, you love that horse and no one else is allowed to go near it, if anyone touches your horse you will be livid…. 1-2-3 Wake Up!”
Cue wee Glasgow punter when he wakes up and sees another wee Glasgow punter sitting on the wooden horse – “hey you, ya thieving b*stard, get aff my f*cking horse!!!”
3) Laugh out loud movies:
I never laughed so much in the cinema as I did in the 70s – Blazing Saddles, Life of Brian, Kentucky Fried Movie, Young Frankenstein, The Jerk, *Caddyshack, *Airplane, etc…
(*the last two were actually released early in 1980 but were devised & written in the 70s and filmed in 79, so I’m claiming them for the 70s)
Don’t get me wrong there have been some great comedies in subsequent decades – Borat, Step Brothers, In Bruges, In the Loop, etc, but nothing quite as hilarious as Mel Brooks and The Pythons at their best.
The depressing thing about a lot of those 70s movies however is that none of them would get made in todays ‘cancel culture’.
Don’t get me wrong, if something is genuinely offensive then it shouldn’t see the light of day, but nowadays a big section of society gets offended by everything and being outraged seems to give some people the right to take the moral high ground and say ‘I’m offended therefore I’m principled’…. permitting them to jump on whatever bandwagon is rolling through social media that week.
Creatively, this leads to a culture of fear and reduces risk taking, which in turn stymies talent and imagination.
Take Blazing Saddles as an example.. as brilliant as it is, that screenplay would never be pitched to studio execs today.
It’s mistakenly referred to as a racist movie by some, when in fact it’s actually one of the greatest anti-racist movies of all time…
Co-written by Richard Pryor, who also advised on the language, the films original title was Tex X: it was planned to be an homage to Malcolm X, and was conceived from the outset as an unflinching attack on racism
True, it requires a modicum of critical thinking to work out who the butt of the satire, sarcasm and absurdity is aimed at, but surely we can trust the general public to work that out for themselves without the need for a ‘3-minute racism warning message’ recently added to the start of Blazing Saddles (and Gone With the Wind) on HBO in America.
Likewise, was The Life of Brian really blasphemous or was Brian just “A very naughty boy” who happened to be born next door and on the same day as Jesus?
On reflection, maybe I’m using Movies as a means of bitching about todays ‘woke culture’, so I best stop there before I get cancelled!
Pavlovian catch phrases. Class and race/ethnicity stereotypical themes. Telegraphed slapstick routines. Sexual innuendo from leering, creepy old goats.
Benny Hill, On the Buses…………….
The odd gem: Reginald Perrin, Dad’s Army and Fawlty Towers…. excellent although all fell back on lazy 70s comedy devices on occasion.
I live near a showbiz retirement home in Twickenham… I see odd 70s era characters venturing out to exercise their gums on Werther’s originals.
Mad Frankie Fraser was a resident. Probably the funniest guy there. He must have had an equity card to get in (from appearing in some sycophantic gangster worshipping TV show). My pal, ex mayor of Richmond borough, encountered Frankie during an official visit. Frankie eyed up his mayoral bling.
Contrast to US comedy of the 70s era. The Odd Couple, MASH, Taxi, Mork & Mindy, All in the Family, SOAP……..
US comedy had sharper dialogue, more nuanced themes and juxtapositions of pathos / humour. They had a phalanx of writers on each script and hence 3.5 jokes per iambic pentameter.
One imagines the typical two man UK comedy writing team collaborating, in their diamond Pringle pullovers, eying their watches for their afternoon golf appointment with Tarby, and hence agreeing to pad out a script with a prat fall and an unfunny one liner so they can meet the submission deadline and the tee off time.
A key characteristic of US comedy writing is sharp dialogue, which in turn is probably influenced by the strong Jewish presence in US showbiz. I have noticed it in US literature too.
For example: I can re-read works by Philip Roth, James Elroy, Elmore Leonard and Michael Connolly due to the wit, menace and rich content of the dialogue.
On the music front Steely Dan lyrics are as evocative as the music.
I digress again… On balance there are some British gems. Reginald Perrin hit the spot, genuinely sad and funny, albeit occasionally reverting to the catch phrase and the “catch image” (the hippo mother in-law was actually funny on repetition).
Even Fawlty Towers could not resist the catch phrase and use of the ethnic comedy device, with the Man(uel) from Barcelona as the foil.
The brilliance of Capt Mainwairing and Sgt Wilson’s exchanges, in Dads Army, were often interrupted by irritating repetitions of “we’re doomed” and “don’t panic”.
UK comedy has evolved, in the context of so many great, current comedians. Steve Coogan, Paul Whitehouse and Ricky Gervais are the homo sapiens that have evolved from the primordial swamp that produced Bernard Manning, Mike Reid et al.
The Office is a work of genius, albeit descended from Rob Reiner’s Spinal Tap.
Some say there are many funny UK sitcoms. I don’t believe it….