She was filing her nails while they’re dragging the lake

This must be one of the greatest lines in a popular song. It’s certainly up there with Frank Zappa’s

Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you go eating the yellow snow.

Declan Patrick MacManus rode in on the New Wave of the mid seventies under the stage name of Elvis Costello (It could have been worse. Comedian Craig Ferguson gave us Bing Hitler !) Straight from his runner up prize from the heats of the Birkenhead Buddy Holly look alike competition, Elvis (the other) produced 3 singles which didn’t really trouble the charts. Number 4 broke the mould. Described as a simple reggae beat with cynical lyrics doesn’t do this masterpiece justice.

Inspired by the Clash, Costello recruited Graham Parker & the Rumour’s rhythm section. Steve Goulding on drums and bassist Andrew Bodnar. They provided a slow and sinister ska back beat similar to what Sting and Stuart Copeland were attempting with the Police. Another Steve, Nason (soon to become Nieve) nineteen and straight from Music College added keyboards. Elvis requested Nieve add Herrmannesque piano flourishes to the piece. Bernard Herrmann, you may remember, was the composer used by film director Alfred Hitchcock. Who can forget his use of strings on the Psycho score. Nieve unduly delivered as well as providing the off beat reedy organ sound key to the song.

Costello’s tremolo guitar adds a further menace to the drama.

As for his vocal style, I think Elvis was from the nails on the blackboard school of music. He didn’t so much as sing as sobbed and pleaded in a please Mummy, I promise to be good. It’s dark in this cupboard sort of wail.

Put it all together and you have one of the stand out singles of the late seventies. Film noir in a three minute package. It was released on the 14^th of October 1977 and spent 11 weeks on the UK charts reaching number 15.

In an attempt to sound less like a disco band, the group I was in changed it’s name to The Motives and did a plausible cover of this song. I tried to emulate the twiddly organ parts on the sax. Steve, our drummer had the drum pattern down pat. Maybe that was why he was poached by Lloyd Cole and the Commotions !

Style wise, the white flares were replaced by drainpipes, I wore red Kickers. I had a thin leather tie with a keyboard pattern on it and although I didn’t have a pork pie hat, I wore a beret. That’s about as New Wave or Ska as I got. Rude Boys don’t come from Bearsden ! Boorish Blighters at best.

Costello has gone on to collaborate with a number of varied artistes including Paul McCartney, Burt Bacharach, Allen Toussaint and the Brodsky Quartet, some successfully, some not so much.

My personal favourites are Shipbuilding written for and sung by Robert Wyatt and Such Unlikely Lovers from his teaming up with Bacharach.

Duran Duran, along with others have attempted versions, of Watching The Detectives. Enough said !

Don’t get cute